Latest Articles


16.04.2014
Timothy Snyder

Europe and Ukraine: Past and future

The history of Ukraine has revealed the turning points in the history of Europe. On 25 May both Ukrainians and EU citizens can decide which way things will turn this time. Ukraine has no future without Europe, but Europe also has no future without Ukraine. [ more ]

14.04.2014
Tim Groenland

Lost in the funhouse

11.04.2014
János Széky

A tradition of nationalism

09.04.2014
Nataliya Tchermalykh

The warm cold winter

09.04.2014
Eurozine Review

Whoever shoots first loses

New Issues


16.04.2014

Belgrade Journal of Media and Communications | 4 (2013)

Ultimate European crisis II
08.04.2014

Osteuropa | 1/2014

Im Namen des Volkes. Revolution und Reaktion
08.04.2014

Spilne | 7 (2014)

Second World

Eurozine Review


09.04.2014
Eurozine Review

Whoever shoots first loses

"Krytyka" says the protests in Ukraine should make the EU realize it has a global mission; "Prostory" documents the Maidan; "Osteuropa" warns it's high time to focus on the Polish extreme Right; "New Eastern Europe" locates the last frontier of Kundera's Central Europe; "Free Speech Debate" says hate speech bans have no place in fully fledged democracies; "Spilne" anticipates a socialist moment in the western system; "Merkur" analyses the capitalist persona: from civilizing force to the root of all evil; "Kulturos barai" ponders how to survive technology; "Revolver Revue" refuses to forget the Jews lost to the Nazis but erased under Czech communism; and "Dilema veche" asks who's afraid of Romanians and Bulgarians?

26.03.2014
Eurozine Review

Breaking the anthropic cocoon

12.03.2014
Eurozine Review

When TV regimes kick in

26.02.2014
Eurozine Review

Goodbye Gutenberg Galaxy!

12.02.2014
Eurozine Review

The new wretched of the earth



http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2011-05-02-newsitem-en.html
http://mitpress.mit.edu/0262025248
http://www.eurozine.com/about/who-we-are/contact.html
http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2009-12-02-newsitem-en.html

My Eurozine


If you want to be kept up to date, you can subscribe to Eurozine's rss-newsfeed or our Newsletter.

Articles
Share |


Manual for postmodern childrearing

How would you bring up a child if you took the lessons from postmodernism literally? The young Swedish writers Athena Farrokhzad and Tova Gerge present a postmodern parenting guide, a matricide or an infantile declaration of passion. Please read it biographically.

Do not pretend the child exists as a subject with any greater relevance than all the other surrounding objects with pretensions to subjectivity – be they present or absent.

Let your child incarnate whatever object you need at that moment. Every time you put its body to some new use, exclaim: "I baptise thee... (umbrella, shoehorn, broth, dialectic, etc)."

Emphasise the child's potential mobility in the structure of desire by constantly spinning, shaking and upending the container in which it is kept, e.g. bed, buggy, baby walker and skin.

Tell your child only short, incoherent bedtime stories that do full justice to cacophony. Stroke its hair and say, "In manuals like these, if you are operating at that level, once upon a thyme there was rosemary and she was sage, she said that they said, but in free indirect discourse, so to speak, informally, you do actually need a bit of spatiality."

Remove the child from the maternal body at an early stage, to make entry into the symbolic system as bewildering as possible.

Be suspicious of all forms of progress displayed by the child and question its origin and the oppressive underlying ideology. Operate on the basis of necessity rather than meaningfulness, and encourage the child to renounce all outward distinctions such as cakes or scholarships. Do allow sweets from strangers.

Reject all active initiative and make it clear to your child that setbacks are as objectionable as successes, since setbacks are an indispensable component in maintaining the category "success". Accuse the child of attention seeking if it achieves either terrible or impeccable academic results.

Resist the temptation to place the child in the École Normale Superieure. Do not in fact place the child in any broadly based school whatsoever.

Demand that all actions have a self-referential dimension. Remember that children do not do as you say; children do as you do. You should thus perform the following speech act: "All actions hereafter are self-referential, hence this speech act."

Be aware of the deconstructive potential of repetition. Have teenage rebellion happen in cyclic sequences: in you, in the child, and in the dialectic.

Acquire as many parenting manuals as possible, and try to follow them all simultaneously. If they include such disparate propositions as "children need firm boundaries" and "listen to your child: it is trying to communicate", suspect a locked order of discourse and do a cut up, with your child, of the material in question.

Beware of vaccination programmes, both for the confidence they place in modern progress, and for their hidden agenda of constructing illness with the aim of putting a premium on health.

Encourage your child in the use of narcotics, as they expand the potential of voices.

Rub your child on some carbon paper. Then cut up the paper and stick the pieces to the child's body. Question the child as an original. Question the child as a copy. Question the carbon paper as a construction.

If your child accuses you of incomprehensibility, then accuse it of logical positivism.

Each time the child shows signs of perceiving something in the world as a category, lock yourself in the bathroom and switch off the light, so nothing is visible. Place your child in a military academy to demonstrate the consequences of absolute concepts.

Let your child become the parent, while you become the child, and both occasionally put yourselves in a third position and refuse to be either: become one another's neighbours, for example. Network rhizomatically with your former identities.

Let your child explore different varieties of break-up, break-in and break-out, without any form of hierarchical organisation or expressed educational goal.

If the child claims to be hungry, accuse it of indulging in being-based oppression.

Put your child out onto the street and exhort it to defy arbitrary social boundaries by leading a nomadic existence. Then let your child back in and exhort it to lead a nomadic existence within the equally arbitrarily constructed boundaries of the home. Prompt a discussion of inside versus outside by flaying your child. This will also help it to discover that a human skin is much bigger than it seems, because of all the creases.

Show the child that other voices are hidden within its voices by making an incision in its vocal chords and separating the muscle fibres.

Draw attention to the child's habit of imitating you by imitating the child.

Ensure that the child's linguistic development is arrested at the negation stage, since lack is where desire begins, and that is what one must dwell on. Ensure the child does not learn any negations, since stemming the tide of desire facilitates the construction of pyramidal power.

Combat the metaphorical system in the child's language acquisition process. Point to a dog and say: "Paw, woof woof, mammal". French sound associations like "Vides, rides, petit ā petit, l'oiseau fuit son nid" can also come in handy. Teach the child the language that springs up in the crack between sociolects, linguistic families and shoehorns. Help it develop a stutter by partially attaching its tongue to the roof of its mouth, with marshmallows for instance.

Play only the game of Go; never play gospel.

To minimise the impending risk that subject deconstruction will merely install a neurotic superego, which screams at such a high pitch that it cannot hear the sound of its own voice, raise the child as a dog and arm yourself with the appropriate whistle.

Render the child immune to the fetishisations of visual culture by dysfunctionalising its left eye.

Lecture your child on the decentralisation of power, on the crumbling of the centre into a domain of autonomous, cross-fertilising peripheries. Talk continuously for several years at a stretch. Punish all forms of interruption and intervention.

If your child grows up and writes any sort of text that can be interpreted as poking fun at postmodern doctrines, be sure to pay a journal handsomely to publish the piece. Matricide is an inevitable step in the development of artistic subversion.

Kill your child as soon as it comes into the world. Its siblings need something to illustrate the incomprehensible transcendence between birth and annihilation. Put it to your breast and drink its milk. Re-assimilate it into yourself bit by bit.

Execute your child with whatever firearm comes to hand. Say: "The world is my conception. You have not been shot." Then add: "The world is your conception. Shoot me."


 



Published 2008-09-23


Original in Swedish
Translation by Sarah Death
First published in Glänta 1-2/2008

Contributed by Glänta
© Athena Farrokhzad/Tova Gerge/Glänta
© Eurozine
 

Focal points     click for more

Ukraine in focus

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/publicsphere.html
Ten years after the Orange Revolution, Ukraine is in the throes of yet another major struggle. Eurozine provides commentary on events as they unfold and further articles from the archive providing background to the situation in today's Ukraine. [more]

The ends of democracy

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/democracy.html
At a time when the global pull of democracy has never been stronger, the crisis of democracy has become acute. Eurozine has collected articles that make the problems of democracy so tangible that one starts to wonder if it has a future at all, as well as those that return to the very basis of the principle of democracy. [more]

Russia in global dialogue

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/eurocrisis.html
In the two decades after the end of the Cold War, intellectual interaction between Russia and Europe has intensified. It has not, however, prompted a common conversation. The focal point "Russia in global dialogue" seeks to fuel debate on democracy, society and the legacy of empire. [more]

Hungary

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/eurocrisis.html
In recent years, Hungary has been a constant concern for anyone interested in European politics. We have collected articles published in Eurozine on recent developments in Hungary and broader issues relating to Hungarian politics, history and culture. [more]

The public sphere in the making

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/publicsphere.html
The public sphere is not something given; it is made - over and over again. But which actors are involved and what roles do they play? Is there a difference between an intellectual and an expert? And in which media or public space does the debate take place? [more]

The EU: Broken or just broke?

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/focalpoints/eurocrisis.html
Brought on by the global economic recession, the eurocrisis has been exacerbated by serious faults built into the monetary union. Contributors discuss whether the EU is not only broke, but also broken -- and if so, whether Europe's leaders are up to the task of fixing it. [more]

Time to Talk     click for more

Time to Talk, a network of European Houses of Debate, has partnered up with Eurozine to launch a new online platform. Here you can watch video highlights from all TTT events, anytime, anywhere.
Robert Skidelsky
The Eurozone crisis: A Keynesian response

http://www.eurozine.com/timetotalk/the-eurozone-crisis-a-keynesian-response/
Political economist and Keynes biographer Robert Skidelsky explains the reasons for the failure of the current anti-crisis policy and how Europe can start to grow again. Listen to the full debate organized by Krytyka Polityczna. [more]

Support Eurozine     click for more

If you appreciate Eurozine's work and would like to support our contribution to the establishment of a European public sphere, see information about making a donation.

Vacancies at Eurozine     click for more

There are currently no positions available.

Editor's choice     click for more

Marcus Rediker
Ghosts on the waterfront

http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2012-07-27-rediker-en.html
Historian Marcus Rediker describes the sailing ship as linchpin of the emergent transatlantic economic order and instrument of terror for slaves transported from Africa, going on to discuss European harbour cities' role in the slave trade and their responsibilities in reckoning with its moral legacy. [more]

Literature     click for more

Olga Tokarczuk
A finger pointing at the moon

http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2014-01-16-tokarczuk-en.html
Our language is our literary destiny, writes Olga Tokarczuk. And "minority" languages provide a special kind of sanctuary too, inaccessible to the rest of the world. But, there again, language is at its most powerful when it reaches beyond itself and starts to create an alternative world. [more]

Piotr Kiezun, Jaroslaw Kuisz
Literary perspectives special: Witold Gombrowicz

http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2013-08-16-kuisz-en.html
The recent publication of the private diary of Witold Gombrowicz provides unparalleled insight into the life of one of Poland's great twentieth-century novelists and dramatists. But this is not literature. Instead: here he is, completely naked. [more]

Literary perspectives
The re-transnationalization of literary criticism

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/literaryperspectives.html
Eurozine's series of essays aims to provide an overview of diverse literary landscapes in Europe. Covered so far: Croatia, Sweden, Austria, Estonia, Ukraine, Northern Ireland, Slovenia, the Netherlands and Hungary. [more]

Debate series     click for more

Europe talks to Europe

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/europetalkstoeurope.html
Nationalism in Belgium might be different from nationalism in Ukraine, but if we want to understand the current European crisis and how to overcome it we need to take both into account. The debate series "Europe talks to Europe" is an attempt to turn European intellectual debate into a two-way street. [more]

Conferences     click for more

Eurozine emerged from an informal network dating back to 1983. Since then, European cultural magazines have met annually in European cities to exchange ideas and experiences. Around 100 journals from almost every European country are now regularly involved in these meetings.
Making a difference. Opinion, debate and activism in the public sphere
The 25th European Meeting of Cultural Journals
Oslo, 29 November - 2 December 2013

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/oslo2013.html
Under the heading "Making a difference. Opinion, debate and activism in the public sphere", the 2013 Eurozine conference focused on cultural and intellectual debate and the production of the public sphere. [more]

Multimedia     click for more

http://www.eurozine.com/comp/multimedia.html
Multimedia section including videos of past Eurozine conferences in Vilnius (2009) and Sibiu (2007). [more]


powered by publick.net